Rough Draft, 1st attempt

Thursday, February 16, 2006
Posted by Katie

Like I said before...I have motivation issues. So, here at work today (my boss would love to hear this), I am taking my first stab at my rough draft paper that is due this Saturday. The last sentence definetly needs some work, but I am going to start writing the bulk, and then come back and revisit it. Here is what I have so far:

What I Learned On My Summer Vacation … To Iraq

When my Army reserve unit received orders to go to Iraq, a myriad of concerns flooded my mind. I wondered what the living conditions would be like. I wondered how I would survive as the only female in an, otherwise, all male firefighting unit. I wondered about my safety and what choices I would have to make when faced with safety issues. With all of these issues weighing on me, I never once questioned whether the deployment would be a learning experience. I expected that I would learn to depend on other people, how to provide support to others, and how to struggle through adversity and still come out on top. What I didn’t expect was that I would learn these things from an Iraqi firefighter, instead of from my fellow soldiers.


Project Man said...

Katie ~ you did a very nice job of capturing your first thoughts. Each time you revisit your thesis you will find a better way to express yourself. I feel that anything I would say at this point would interfere with where you are taking this. Thanks for sharing and keep us posted on your edits!

Susan Murphy said...

Awesome paragraph, Katie. My only suggestion is to rephrase the last sentence slightly. Here's one possibility:

And I expected I would learn those lessons from my fellow American soldiers--not from an Iraqi firefighter.